321739741 S3 E7: Confessions of the Chronically Tired. Let’s Talk About Burnout. - Fielder Church Podcast

Episode 7

S3 E7: Confessions of the Chronically Tired. Let’s Talk About Burnout.

Published on: 21st July, 2025

Ever feel like butter scraped over too much bread? In this episode, Becky and Zer sit down with special guests Tony Aviles and Erick Sostre to get real about burnout—the exhaustion we all feel but rarely talk about. With honesty, humor, and vulnerability, they explore how burnout shows up in work, ministry, relationships, and even our spiritual lives.

They ask important questions:

  • How do you know when you're approaching burnout—or already there?
  • Can people-pleasing push you past your limits?
  • What practical rhythms can protect you from exhaustion?
  • Is your "yes" to others secretly a "no" to God?

Sharing personal stories and biblical wisdom, they unpack the traps of burnout and offer practical tools for setting healthy boundaries, embracing God-given rest, and finding freedom in your identity in Christ. Whether you're currently feeling stretched thin or just want to stay healthy, this conversation is your reminder that rest isn't something you earn—it's something you receive.

📖 Scriptures Mentioned:

  • Matthew 6:11 – "Give us this day our daily bread."
  • Luke 10:38-42 – Martha and Mary's encounter with Jesus
  • Genesis 2:2-3 – The rhythm of rest was established by God
  • John 1:12 – Our identity as children of God

💡 Practical Takeaways:

  • Prioritize Sabbath and intentional rest
  • Listen to your body’s physical cues
  • Allow trusted voices to speak into your limits
  • Recognize burnout as an invitation to deeper spiritual health

Feeling overwhelmed or overcommitted? You're not alone. Join the convo, catch your breath, and discover how true rest can restore your soul.

📺 Watch this episode on YouTube

🌐 Learn more: fielder.org/podcast

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📲 Follow us on social: @fielderpodcast

Takeaways:

  • In this episode, we delve deeply into the intricate concept of burnout, emphasizing its multifaceted nature and the various ways it can manifest in our lives.
  • Our discussions illustrate that burnout is not solely an occupational hazard but can occur in various life domains, including personal relationships and spiritual practices.
  • We underscore the significance of establishing boundaries and recognizing one's limitations in order to mitigate the risk of burnout effectively.
  • The episode advocates for a holistic approach to well-being, highlighting the importance of rest and intentional spiritual engagement as vital components of a healthy lifestyle.
Transcript
Becky:

What's up, everybody? It's Becky Enzer here. We are back for another episode and we have two people that we want to welcome back. Tony was here a couple of episodes ago.

Tony:

I'm so fired up that I got another invite.

Becky:

Erick. We have not seen him since last season. Welcome back.

Erick:

Been too long. I love. I love the setup.

Becky:

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you.

Zer:

Was our number one gang.

Becky:

Yeah, yeah, he was. He was. We just kept on scheduling wise, you know, it was just a lot. But anyways, we're back and we are here to talk about something super important.

But before that, I wanted to share a quick story. I don't know why I'm sharing it, but it's. We'll. We'll check.

When I was little, right, I grew up in this really small town called Silver Springs, Texas. And super small or surrounded by a lot of people that, you know, my own culture, Mexican American culture was all I really knew.

And we went to this Asian buffet place in Silver Springs called Broadway Buffet Fire. It's still open. It's really great.

Tony:

I love Asian buffets.

Becky:

It was great. And I saw this like little dish that had like a bunch of green stuff in it and my brain was like, oh, I'm Mexican. This is Mexican. Ish.

Like, this has to be guacamole. This is the only possible thing this could ever be. And so I got a plate. I was little. I don't know how old.

I'm not little enough for this to not have like flagged something in my brain. And I had like a big old dish of. Of wok is. I thought. And I got like a chip. And I don't even think it was a tortilla chip. It was just some type of.

Probably like a wonton chip or something. And I like grabbed it, try to literally like chips and walk it. And I almost died that day. I almost met my maker that day.

I literally spit it out, made a big scene and ran to the bathroom and stuck my tongue under the cold water faucet for a long time.

Tony:

For those of us that have no clue what green substance you're talking about, you want to let us know what not to.

Becky:

It was wasabi. I don't recommend it. Especially not in heaping portion sizes on a wonton chip. I do not recommend it. That has zero relevance to the topic today.

But I just wanted to share it because I thought it was.

Zer:

It doesn't lead to burnout. It leads to burning of your. The burning up.

Becky:

Anyway, so, yeah, if you didn't catch that we are talking about burnout today and we wanted to talk about it with you guys having.

I haven't necessarily experienced burnout, but I've gotten to, like, the edge, you know, like right at the edge or I'm like, looking over and then I get to backtrack. But have you guys experienced it?

Erick:

Yeah.

Tony:

How would you define burnout? I think it's important because I think that's very. It could be varied definitions of it.

Erick:

Ooh. Defining burnout. Um, I think. I think more about what it feels like.

It's like, as much as I want to rest, whether that's physically, mentally, spiritually, there is not enough ketchup. That gets me to a place where I'm like, oh, I'm operating once again from a place of overflow.

I'll do a Lord of the Rings reference, which is great resurrection. Bilbo is talking to Gandalf and he's like, I just feel like butter spread over too much bread.

Where it's like, oh, I'm spread so thin that I can't possibly catch up. But there's something in me that is driving to continue to work and to achieve. That was my experience.

To come back to that place of like, well, I have. I just have to get these things done. Like, there's an expectation on me, and if I don't achieve it, regardless of how I feel, well, then I'm failing.

So I just have to keep going and going and going.

Zer:

Yeah. Very similarly. Like, I love that analogy of like butter spread through too thin on a piece of toast.

But for me it's like, then put that same piece of toast, then put it in a toaster and it stays in there. Like, that's how I felt where it was. Like, it is a feeling. But the reason I knew I was burnt out was because of the crash. Like, it was just.

Life was in shambles for me. Family wise, work wise, just mentally, spiritually just felt drained.

Tony:

And so dryness seems to be something that I'm hearing you guys say. Right. And unfruitfulness. Is that like. Like a lack of good fruit being produced? Would you guys.

Becky:

I mean, it feels like there would be, like, fruit, but maybe not life giving fruit.

Tony:

Yeah.

Erick:

Like, I'm still operating at capacity or maybe way beyond capacity, I guess is the point. But there's still. I'm still producing, but it's not. It's not in any way like that. I feel like would be God honoring or respecting. Yeah. Life giving.

Respecting of my limitations.

Tony:

Because that's. I think fruit and production are potentially two different things.

Erick:

Yeah, that's true.

Tony:

Because I'm. When I mention fruit and trying to use biblical language and. So you're producing a fruit. Why would you. So.

Becky:

Yeah, anyway, just kidding. Keep going, keep going.

Tony:

Because we are a gospel centered podcast. That's why I did that. Yeah. So a lack of spiritual fruit.

Erick:

Yes.

Tony:

Probably is. Would be a sense in there. And then specifically. And I know that you're going to get into this, but when I met you, you were on the.

On the, like, not other side of it, but on the recovery side of the tail end. Tail end. Trying to recover from it.

Erick:

Yes.

Tony:

And what I heard from you was like, I don't feel like I can move forward right now in ministry because of it. And I don't know if that, like, there's. To me, that looks like some.

Not lack of fruit, but, like, can't exercise in the calling that God has given you.

Erick:

Yes. Yeah. And there was like. It comes back to expectations of, like, what I perceived people were putting on me, what I perceived from the Lord.

And some of it. Some of it, I think, was born out of, like, an immaturity in myself.

And so, like, with any burnout conversation, it was in my own story, really easy for me to cast blame and be like, oh, it's their fault. It was a toxic work culture or unhealthy. And I've come back to the other side of like, oh, it's.

There's something in me that is also drawing these things out that I had to. I had to deal with both. Like, it wasn't something I could be like, well, I'm just going to deal with me.

Because there is, like, an external factor that was, like, at play.

Becky:

So why don't you share some of, like, what burnout was for you? Yeah, whatever you're comfortable with.

Tony:

Ready? You excited about this?

Erick:

Excited? I'm already burnout on this conversation. No, no, no. Yeah. So was working in ministry. So at 18, started working at a church as an intern.

Um, and the advice that was given to me by a mentor, which I think taken correctly can be good advice, but I don't think I was mature enough or had the counsel to, like, really operate well in this was the more, you know, the more you can do. And so I was constantly like, okay, well, I need to get my foot in the door. I need to show my value. I need to become indispensable.

So I was just like, well, I'm going to learn how to do this and I'm going to learn how to do this. And so I moved from intern to like a paid contractor doing social media, which is obviously your real house. Yeah, yeah. Not.

Not anything that I even remotely care about at this point in my life.

Tony:

As you're watching clips of this in social media.

Erick:

Yes, yes. Where it's just like, me personally, like, not super active on, like, I have them, but I'm not like, yeah, this is my jam.

It's like, oh, wow, passion area. No, definitely not. So started, yeah, it was like 10 hours a week and then went to 25 hours a week with that.

Plus I was band directing on Sundays, running a student ministry worship team to coming on full time as a communications person. So I learned how to do web design, learned how to do like newsletters, email things. Yes.

And part of my own problem was as I was like gaining all these responsibilities, making myself indispensable. I wasn't releasing responsibility, I was just like constantly adding.

So like, by the time I'm, I started at 18, by the time I'm 25, I'm basically doing like three jobs. And I think there was a point in my life where I'd have worn that as a badge of honor. Like, oh, yeah, I can do three jobs at capacity.

It's going to get done.

And now it's like, it's like a pocket of shame of like, oh, I was working way beyond my limits, trying to conjure up, I guess, meaning and approval for myself. But the culture I was in, like, I won't, I won't use the word toxic. I think it was unhealthy in that we were very work driven.

Like, it's a, it's about what you can produce versus fruit. And so got to the point where it's like, well, my value is in what I can produce, so I just have to constantly produce more and more and more.

And so end of:

And so I'm like, I should probably go to counseling and get some help. And just through, through that.

I didn't have language around this at the time, but burnout is what one of the counselors that I met with was like, yeah, you're probably like working way beyond your capacity to, to function as a person and with the added pressure of, like, well, I'm working for the kingdom of God, so shouldn't I, like, essentially work myself to the bone to see, like, the gospel go out to people and people change lives? And it was just. Yeah, I'm sorry.

Tony:

It's just that's such a dangerous place to be. But it's, But I think it's so natural. I'm going back to this.

Becky:

Super passionate about this.

Tony:

So, like, I am so even going back to trying to exemplify what burnout. I think you guys did a really good job at kind of talking about it. And I was thinking of who was behind the camera. Marty.

And he loves cars and doing burnouts in cars and all that kind of stuff. And I thought about what's going. The burnout of a car. Yeah, I know. I mean, but, like, think about it.

The wheels keep turning and turning and turning and turning, and you're burning through all the rubber, but you're not going anywhere. And I think that's probably what you, what you. Oh, yeah, you were, you were, you were turning, turning, turning, burning, burning, burning.

Trying to go somewhere and produce something and go really fast. Brian, maybe. Or not. Not speed, but, like, much production, right?

Erick:

Yes.

Tony:

And you were, you, you were doing the complete opposite. You were drying yourself out, and you were coming down to the bone. Because I had never heard you say that.

You at that as a season, you said a pocket of shame. That's hard because I always saw that as what, in the time that I've known you, which is about, what, about four years now?

Erick:

Four years.

Tony:

I've always seen that aspect of your life as a place where God moved in freedom and brought health to your life. So I'd see it as like, a moment of God doing a lot of really important work in me. And I just heard you say that it was maybe a pocket of shame.

And I just feel for that because I don't, I don't, man. I, I, I don't want that for you. I don't want that for anybody. Right.

Becky:

I, I saw this phrase on, you know, those, like, carousels on Instagram that's like all these random quotes that are supposed to be inspirational, and they have this, like, little super exciting Daisy, like, music in the background. I saw this quote that I actually really liked, and I wrote it down. It's like, maybe burnout is not the end of your calling.

Maybe it's the beginning of a healthier, more honest one.

Tony:

Yeah.

Becky:

And that was really good because I feel like in the seasons, that There was a season, maybe, I don't know, maybe I need to talk more to my counselor about this. But, like, I don't. I don't feel like I ever got to that point of like, of burnout.

But in the seasons where I feel like I've been overworked, like, there was one season where my sweet husband, when he got stuck in Brazil for a period of time, I kind of took over his job and let go of some other aspects of my job. But there was like, there was like a series of two weeks where it was heavy, heavy, heavy. We had a fasting or.

No, it was a post retreat and we were moving into our new admin building and great times. It was great because I love, like, those high, like, high, you know, pace a lot of tasks to accomplish.

Like, I get a serotonin kick every time I check something off my to do list. Like, I loved it, but at the end of the day, I'd be like, dang, I don't have anything left.

And then I remember one of my bosses calling me out on it, and he was like, I think you're reaching a level of unhealth. And so I want you to be sure to know your limits. Like, you are not superwoman. Like, and that's okay.

Like, and so that was like an encouraging word for me because I was just. I wasn't looking to do any of those things for any sense of acclaim. I just wanted to do it because I. It was my job.

Like, I felt like a responsibility and ownership to do all those things, but, like, feeling seen by my pastor slash supervisor and also, like, being able to humble myself to be like, oh, I am working in an unhealthy way, you know, Like, I don't know, was sobering for me.

Tony:

It was also a terrible season because you weren't married to your husband at the time. Golly. And he was out of the country. It was such a dark age, really. Carlos, we love you.

Zer:

Yeah, we love you.

Becky:

Yes.

Tony:

Yes.

Becky:

Yes.

Zer:

No, I was gonna say, I love that quote that you said.

Becky:

Yeah.

Zer:

Because there's there for me that, like, that quote is literally for me, my experience with burnout. So this was Covid time. I was part time student pastor, and ministry period was just hard engaging with students through the Internet.

But that was also the season where the Lord welled up in me, like, just a desire to reach people digitally. So I started streaming video games and really started to make a small, good, decent amount from it and wanted to really pursue it.

So I was just, after two things Wanting to see this ministry grow and also wanting to reach people digitally. But then it came to a point where, like, I was working crazy amount of hours doing online because I was passionate about both.

And it came to a point where I couldn't do both healthily. And it led me to a place, like, I remember, like, Fairy can tell you about that. I was just crying all the time, like, and it's Covid. Nobody sees you.

You're just crying, you know, like, yeah, yeah. You're just.

Tony:

Amen.

Zer:

But it was. It was a rough season. But I love what you said. It was like, what was the same part of.

Becky:

It's like, maybe it's the beginning of a healthier, more honest. One more honest season.

Zer:

And when I. When I took a break from it, the very next thing that I come back to is an online ministry, Literally online pastor at Fielder Church.

And it was such a healthy season for me.

Becky:

I think there's nothing more vulnerable than be able to, like, be able to be honest about your limitations and your brokenness. And so it's like, whenever we're able to own up to, like, I do have limitations. Wow.

Like, that is, like, there's so much growth, and that's such fertile ground for the Lord to work in your life and for you to see a strength that surpasses, like, anything that you could formulate or produce. And so I agree with you. I think there is, like, something super God honoring in being able to admit, like, I can't do this well.

Tony:

And the opposite is also true for the enemy.

Becky:

Yeah.

Tony:

So if you are not humble enough to say, I have my limitations, then what takes that place is pride. And pride is going to be the fertile ground for Satan to come in and bring you to places of unhealth.

Zer:

Yeah.

Erick:

Yeah.

And I think, like, even in your story, like, having a structure in place where it's like, this is my tendency right now as a person of unhealth, and then having someone come behind you and say, that's not healthy. Not everyone has that same opportunity when it's like, oh, I'm working from a place of unhealth.

And the place that I'm at is also operating at a pace of unhealth that just kind of, like, continues to draw that out. And it's like, I think more so than, like, outright sin, moral failure, and those are things that burnout can lead to.

But it's like, this is a place where the enemy can work so hard in pride.

Becky:

Yeah.

Erick:

To just take people out of ministry, and that's like, What I, what I told my, the lead pastor and the executive pastor at the time, I was like, I want to be in ministry long term, and if I keep working here, I won't want to. And they both are just kind of were like.

Becky:

But that's like a teachable moment for them too, you know, like what I'm saying? Like, it's like, I don't know. Hopefully they took something from that.

Tony:

Yeah. And we, we have to trust that the Lord is doing a work in them as well, because none of us are perfect.

Doesn't matter what level of leadership you have within a church.

Becky:

Yeah.

Tony:

And it's important for every single human being to be teachable. And so I think that's true.

But wanted to mention something you said that sin, and there's certain blatant sin that can come from burnout, but I think that burnout is extremely dangerous because it's the one that you can rationalize the most. Well, I'm doing good for the kingdom. I'm doing good for others. I'm doing good for the organization. I'm honoring God because I'm working hard.

And these are all things that I heard you were, the things that you were saying to yourself and even user as well as you were sharing your story, talking about, like, okay, these are all good things. And even you, Becky, talking about how this was a place of joy you were finding in accomplishing all these tasks.

And this is why you have to be so rooted in your relationship with Christ so that you can hear the voices. Like, for you, it was the pastor, and for you, I think it was the spirit.

And for you, maybe your wife in all these areas, like people around you care for you, know you, love you, and are also God honoring people that want to, that want to follow what God's doing. And so they, they help you out.

Becky:

And I, I think too, I think your.

What your spiritual life, your spiritual life was already suffering to like whenever you got to burnout or it's suffering because of your burnout, you know, like, I feel like those are like kind of hand in hand. Well, there was one season semi recently where I was kind of like again on the precipice of burnout.

I was like, I could feel myself like, oh my God, I'm my God and it's right there. And I. My spiritual, my quiet time was like basically non existent. And I was just like kind of going on yesterday's wisdom for today. And so.

And that's just not a good way to live your daily life. You know, give Give me this day my daily bread, you know, kind of thing.

And I remember I just kept telling my husband, I was like, I just don't have anything left. Like I just don't feel like I have anything left. And he prayed for me that night. And then I just felt like I could sleep for like two years.

Like I literally felt like I could sleep for that long. And I woke up like at 3am like bright eyed, wide awake. Like that Katy Perry song, I'm wide awake. Like I literally. I can't sing it.

Tony:

You're into quoting some very interesting.

Becky:

Sing it. Even though I really want to, I just can't do it. I can't bring myself, dude. But anyways, so like I'm just wide awake.

And so I like literally woke up and I went to go do my quiet time and I was there for like a long time. And then by the end I was expecting, okay, I'm gonna be dead by the end of the day.

Because I woke up so early and I was, you know, bright eyed and bushy tailed by the end of the day. Like I was like, by, you know, I went to bed at 9pm and felt like I had slept so much.

And same thing happened the next day where I woke up again at 2am and like had another great time with the Lord and then made it all the way until the end of the day without falling asleep.

And I think what the Lord was speaking over me in that season is like there is no physical rest that you can receive that will outweigh and out measure the spiritual rest only I can give you.

And like that was just so powerful to me because I was like, I was working out of my own resources, relying on my physical body and on my mind and on whatever I could produce. But the Lord isn't more proud of me because I can do more things. You know what I'm saying? And so that season was just so impactful to me.

And the Lord has done it a couple handful of times since then. But I remember the first time it was just so impactful. Like there's a spiritual rest that burnout does not give you.

Yeah, it cancels it out if anything.

Tony:

Yeah.

And it's interesting because I'm hearing you saying that you'd get to the corner or to the edge of burnout and like the Lord kind of helps you identify that, whereas for pushes you over away from here.

Erick:

Yes.

Tony:

And you guys talk about, hey, I arrived there at the burnout. How would you tell our viewers or our listeners to identify that? Because there's a sense of, like, where is it that I should be most alarmed?

Or how do I know that I've gotten there?

We talked a little bit about definition of burnout, but how would you, based on Yalls experience, say, okay, this is how I can identify that I'm on the edge of it. And this is how I can identify that I've arrived?

Becky:

Yeah.

Erick:

I think my first thought is, we want to kind of spiritualize it. We're like, well, I want God to tell me that I'm, like, operating from a place of unhealth. And he. He very well could. I think he has given us.

We are embodied creatures that he has given us bodies that we need to, like, pay attention to the cues.

Like, if it's like, oh, I'm still getting eight or nine hours of sleep and I feel absolutely exhausted, that might be a good cue that there's something out of balance.

Like, how do you find those, what we would call natural or earthly things that are like, oh, yeah, I need to pay attention to these cues that I normally wouldn't be tuned into because those were the things I ignored. I was like, well, I'm physically tired, but we have a mission to accomplish. We have these things to do. So that's.

I. I think for me, that's like, number one is like, how do I pay attention? Yes. How do I pay attention to what limits my body is trying to cue me in on?

Tony:

Which is what you were talking about earlier.

Zer:

Yeah, Yeah. I would say, honestly, listen to my spouse, like, she was already speaking. Hey, you, first of all, you work a lot. Hey, you're doing this a lot.

Hey, you. You act a certain way when you come home or when you're done off the computer.

Like, it also didn't help that what I was trying to do is preach the gospel playing video games. And you play video games a lot. It's not good for your brain, you know, like, so she's telling me, it's like, hey, you're not acting right.

You know, like, I could have heeded wisdom, but I said, no, I can do this.

Becky:

Yeah. Yeah.

Tony:

So physical ways to identify it, but also the community around you, obviously your. Your wife is like the suitable partner. Right. Who God gave you, and so you got to listen to that.

But for those that maybe aren't married, community around you, circling yourself around the right community will help bring you to that place of health.

Erick:

When I think spiritually, it's. It was the difference for me between I am. I am taking spiritual time to prepare for something. This Is, like, more specific to ministry.

I am taking this time to prepare for something. I'm prepping for the next worship set, the next meeting that I'm going into, versus, like, I am seeking God just for the sake of seeking God.

So it's like. Like, I don't. I cannot remember really. Like, a prolonged stretch of time.

d probably those, like, maybe:

I was never operating from an overflow. It was always, I'm pouring in my cup just to pour right back out.

Becky:

Yeah. Is it possible that your yes to others or to other things has become a silent no to God?

Tony:

A thousand.

Zer:

Absolutely.

Becky:

Because I think about. Marty mentioned this, like, Martha. Martha versus Mary in Luke 10 of, like, she was preoccupied with a lot of really, you know, good things.

Like, it wasn't bad what she was doing. You know, like, go back and read Luke 10 about the two sisters. And one of them was, like, doing all these things and preparing all these things.

And Mary was just sitting at the feet of Jesus and. And Jesus commended what Mary was doing. Seemingly pointless. Like, you know what? Like, she's, like, she's just sitting there. She's doing nothing.

You know, like, how from a productive mindset, like, how is that commendable compared to what Martha over here is doing? But I think, again, like, Jesus went back to the core thing of, like, what she is doing.

Like, she is sitting at my feet again, like, kind of what you said about, like, seeking Jesus for the sake of seeking Jesus, not getting, like, I don't want to. My only times that I go to the Lord is whenever I'm like, I'm about to do this thing. Let me come get, like, my.

My Gatorade, my spiritual Gatorade, so I can go do what I need to do. Like, it's like, no, like, I. Again, you want to spend time with those that you love. And I want my love for Jesus to be evident in my pursuit of him.

Tony:

And you quoted this earlier. You were talking about, give us this day our daily bread.

And you think of bread, you think of sustenance, you think of something that will keep you going. It gives you life and all these things. The daily bread is your time with Jesus. It's not.

It's not the amount of the word of God that you get to be able to do something that you need to do.

And I know that we have people listening to this and watching this that could either be on either side, like in ministry and pursuing things, or serving your church really well, which if you're not, you need to be doing that because it matters.

But for those of you that maybe just having quite entered into spiritual leadership of others, this is so important for you to know before you even do that, because you can spiritually lead others towards the spiritual bread that comes from the word of God. If you're not doing it yourself and you want to talk about how to prevent burnout, you ensure that you have a deep quality time with Jesus.

Becky:

And I saw this thing talking about encouragement for the burnt out soul. And there was four things that it said that I wanted to read. God is not more proud of you whenever you're performing.

You are not more loved when you're doing more. Your rest is just as holy as your work. And there's no shame in stepping back to breathe.

And that was like, again, it kind of goes back to the whole concept of rest and Sabbath is an act of worship.

And I think we, I think particularly like in Western culture, like, we just, we are so independent and very, like productivity, like very efficient that we tend to kind of treat our spiritual life in the same way when that's not how it's supposed to go. And so I think it, it just, it's just some. It's a slippery slope. And I think that's when accountability is such a big piece.

Like, there's times where, like, I'll skip my quiet time and my husband will literally come by and bring me my Bible and my journal and like, put it right in front of me and then take my phone from me, like. And so it's like there's an accountability piece there that I think we all should have.

If it's not your spouse and it's like your best friend or your pastor or, you know, your parents or whoever it is in your area that they just have that act that you've allowed people that access into your life to be able to speak sanctification over you.

Tony:

And you said it perfectly. You allowed people to enter in. You have to choose accountability for you to grow because you have to want it for it to be the most effective for you.

But that's what we were designed for. We were designed for community. And that community is meant to help us grow in our faith.

Becky:

I agree. How does people pleasing or fear of disappointing others play a role, if any?

Tony:

I can't say because I don't Want anybody to get upset at me, whatever.

Erick:

That's crazy.

Becky:

There's some lore there. We'll put you guys in later. Goodness.

Tony:

Well, I mean, it's. I think it's the root of the lie that you tell yourself to kind of keep going forward. Well, I need to please somebody.

My value is in what other people think of me, and my value is in what I can produce, and my value is in how well I do in this. And so as. As a prototypical people pleaser here, that's what I am.

Becky:

I do not.

Tony:

Whatever. It's. It's an area where I've had to grow in because I've had to learn to say no. And as a people pleaser, I like to say yes.

I don't like people to ask me something and me say that I can't do it. And so to have to grow in that is a lot of trusting in God. Because even if I don't please the person, but I please God, then I have done well, right?

And if pleasing God is being healthy in my personal relationship with him, and out of that personal relationship with Him I get to bless others, then I am well and I am good, and I'm doing what is honoring to God. But the more I seek to please others, the more selfish I become. Because I want to do it for my reasons, for your glory.

For my glory, and to bring honor to my own name.

Becky:

Yeah, no, I agree. And if you're saying yes to everything, you're saying no to everything at the same time.

Like, I am a firm believer that you cannot overstretch yourself because you're gonna. You're like, you can't give 100% to everything. And so, like, this thing that's super important over here is gonna get, like, 25% of you.

And this other super important thing is gonna get 15%. Whenever the Lord, like, might be asking you to do these. This.

These two or one things at 100% capacity, but because you're saying yes and over committing to all these things, you're invested in nothing at the same time. And so, like, I'm.

I, like, I think, again, like, that takes a lot of discernment and a lot of prayer of, like, I don't need to be in two or three community groups to make my name known. I can just invest in this one community to, like, really be present and. And be poured into and invested into.

I don't need to, like, have all of these, like, all these relationships with all these people. When the Lord has given these five people in My hands that he's given me favor with. You know what I'm saying?

And so, like, I. I just think it takes discernment. And just like, again, like, I think you need to be okay with disappointing others because that's just gonna happen regardless because you.

Sometimes you might say yes to something and then you end up disappointing them anyway because your, your heart wasn't really in it, you know? Yeah. Like, so it's like, it's a lose, lose situation either way.

Erick:

Well, I think you're keying into something where it's like, when we talk about burnout, oftentimes we talk about workplace, like, what am I doing with my 9 to 5 or whatever. But you're highlighting, like, you can be burnout in a host of different areas in your life.

Like, if it is, oh, I have to hit these certain benchmarks in my spiritual life. Like, that can be a place of burnout. If it's like coming from a place of selfishness.

I have to do this with, with family or with friends or with, I don't know, communal engagement or something. Like, there, there are a ton of different ways where burnout can, like, manifest not just in our working lives.

That's what we see most often because that's where we spend a lot of our time. But I think, yeah, it's interesting to highlight and note there too.

Tony:

You reacted earlier when the people pleasing thing, and I kind of spoke to it, but do you have any people pleasing tendencies? And if so, what do you do with them?

Erick:

What do you want my answer to be? No, I definitely have people pleasing tendency. And it's. So much of it is born out of perception.

Like, I want to be perceived as a certain kind of person. Like, I'm reliable, I'm trustworthy, I can get the job done.

Which is what led like, personally to so much of my burnout before was I was trying to achieve an identity when the Lord was like, I've already given you one. You're a son of God. Like, you just have to receive it, preach it, brother.

And for me, that was like, I don't think that really hit me probably until about a year ago when I was like, so like, even in the midst of, like, working through burnout, going through counseling. Yeah, it wasn't something that, like, I didn't realize how much of my identity was tied up in what people thought of me.

And now it's like, oh, I feel so much more freedom when it's based on this is who God has made me to be, but who God has Called me as a result of what Jesus has done for me. It's like, yeah, it's totally different.

Tony:

I'm just. I'm laughing because it was about a year ago that he stopped working with me, started working on a separate team.

So obviously he needed to move to understand what healthy identity was. I'm sorry for reading your.

Erick:

Dang.

Becky:

This work is real people.

Erick:

For background. Tony was the one who brought me back into ministry, and I worked with. I worked with him for what, two years?

Tony:

Yeah, two years.

Erick:

That's great. This is great. No, people pleasing was not attached to this man. I promise. So it was just.

Tony:

That was so scared.

Becky:

There was fortuitous timing.

Erick:

Yes. It was a coincidence. There were spiritual things happening on.

Zer:

In the backside.

Erick:

That's crazy.

Tony:

Well, that's a way to call me out, Becky. I'm over here trying to have my own moment.

Becky:

You were like. It was like you were trying to stifle us.

Tony:

I was trying to stifle it. I wasn't aware. I'm glad. For candid conversations, he.

Zer:

Wow, you said something like, the language you're using, it just reminds so very similarly the language of, like, freedom, identity, one thing like big shout out to Pastor Larry Dan, who was walking with a few of guys. We're going through this curriculum called Steps to Freedom.

And it was literally that revelation that really showed me that I am a people pleaser or, like, seeking approval. But it was crazy because it oftentimes it's not just a lie that we tell ourselves. It's actually what's been spoken to us.

And so we went through this exercise of, like, praying and just asking the spirit of God, God, can you show me? Like, when did this lie begin? And, like, not to out anybody, but it was just like over and over, just constantly just waiting on the Lord.

And he brought me back to a specific moment.

Tony:

Where was it with me?

Zer:

No, this specific moment when I was in Tony's office. This is like, little kid, little kid.

But just like, spoken over me of like, your, like, your parents only approve of you because of the work that you do. And so it made me strive and strive and strive to try to gain their approval. And then I took that in all these different relationships.

And I ultimately took it to God where it's like, God, I'm just. Rather than working from a place of approval, I was trying to seek God's approval. And then I took it in every other relationship.

Tony:

Understanding that is so important when you work, you got to see work as worship. Any line of work that you do. Has to be your act of worship to God.

And when you work as an outflow of how you've been approved by God, that is huge, brother. That's absolutely, it's freeing. I agree with you 100%.

Becky:

I think it's freeing because there's a security in who you have, like, in what your identity is.

And so like you mentioned this in the parents episode that we did last time of like speaking over your sons, like, knowing that they are like my sons, like, I love you because you are my son. And so just even having that mindset as children of God that like we are his children, he loves us.

And so there is like a, there is a insecurity that we like to cling to as an effort to try and earn our value in the kingdom. And that's not where the Lord wants us.

Like he wants us to have the security of our, of who we are as children of Christ, that he has prepared us to walk in these works, you know, and he has decided to like the founder and perfecter of our faith. He'll go before us in the work, he'll be behind us in the work, you know, and he'll be with us in the work.

So you have some pretty, like you're very passionate about these like, specific barriers and boundaries that you have. What are some of those that you would like to share with us?

Tony:

Yeah, I think that it's important for every single believer in Jesus to have regular rhythms in life and that can help you gain some health and can help prevent some burnout.

And so I've seen a lot of burnout around me and I think that that's kind of, honestly, a little bit of the people pleaser in me has wanted to like, why can't do that? I don't want to get to where that person got to.

And as a result, in a weird way, God chose to redeem that and bring me to a place of specific practices that I use towards health that even helped me gauge when I'm arriving to places like you're talking about where I'm like, there's something alarming here that's happening and I need to deal with it. So Sabbath, I think that's one of the first low entry but areas of health that you could really establish and grow in.

And if you, if you just focus on that for a season, that will bring a lot of health and stability to your spiritual life.

But the, the basic idea of Sabbath is where you take a 24 hour period and you choose to leave behind work and rest in the good work that Jesus has already done for you. And you seek ways to spiritually engage with God. So I choose to Sabbath on Sundays, and that's weird.

A lot of people think that it's odd that as a pastor I choose to Sabbath on Sundays because it could be seen as a workday. And I understand that as well. But we can have a whole other podcast about Sabbath alone.

But on Sabbath I go and engage with my church community and I come back home and I engage in some really yummy food with my family. And then I do activities throughout the day that help me remember God through my family.

And so we engage in family things that help us connect with God specifically. So try not to do a lot of shopping or anything like that, but try to focus on ways that we engage relationally.

Another one that I try to do, as far as like overall health, is have specific benchmarkers in my year where I am seeking to get away and distance myself from what is everyday work. And so one of that's going to be a vacation. So we take a family vacation. Another one's going to be another getaway with my spouse. With my spouse.

Becky:

I'm sorry, I tried to let it go. I just couldn't.

Tony:

Tried to keep moving away from it. I think it's actually maybe the second time that I, that I mispronounce a word. Thank you for not calling me out on the first one.

No, obviously you, you heard this one. So anyways, your spouse. Yeah, my spouse. That's fine. My wife. My wife. So a getaway to my family, getaway with my wife, and then a spiritual getaway.

And we are very blessed to be afforded that as members of the staff of this church. And so we have a couple of those a year. And I'm so grateful for them because they center me back in my relationship with the Lord.

And so these are general year long practices that I keep myself accountable to, that I'm doing that.

And then on a weekly basis, not just Sabbath, but also the dinners with both, like connecting with my wife intentionally and then connecting with my kids intentionally, not just on Sabbath. So, like having. I want it to be more regular that dinners are happening at home than they are not.

And the reality is that that's not true right now as we're recording this podcast. It's not true.

And this is an area of growth for me that I discovered recently where I am probably spending more evenings away from the house and away from dinners with my family. Because I keep on saying, God, why can't I Engage spiritually with my children. Like, every time I try to engage in this way, it's hard.

And he revealed to me that one of the ways was because I was spending more evenings and dinners away from home than I was at home. And so hopefully by the time this podcast airs, I'm better at that.

But that's another area of growth that I think is really important and I feel fairly confirmed. So that one's not from experience. That one's from something that I heard on.

On another media platform, but the other ones are from an area of experience, and they have helped me, like, have those. Those balances. Also something tangible on the week to week is balancing my hours. So making sure that I cap my hours that I work throughout the week.

And that's another one. That's the closest that I've ever been to burnout was when my wife started saying, like, hey, you work a lot.

And when I took that to my pastor and my supervisor at the time, he was like, yeah, we need to work on this. We want to make sure that you will be chastised for overworking. And. Whereas I don't think. Yes.

And I had to assess why I was overworking because I felt like my value, my identity was found in that. And so. Okay, a few quick. Yeah, no rapid fire stuff.

Becky:

I love that. What are yalls final thoughts as. As we close this up? Like, any. Like, I have to say this.

Zer:

I have to say this in addition to Sabbath, I love Sabbath and what we do for Sabbath to. You already know what I'm going to say. We play pickleball. That's right.

Tony:

It's a great Sabbath practice.

Becky:

The best his baby literally does.

Zer:

Yeah.

Tony:

Didn't we talk about pickleball last time I was on the podcast? That's obviously.

Zer:

We love it.

Tony:

Yeah.

Becky:

Pickleball and Sabbath. Do something with your family. Like, do something with your community. Like, do something that recharges you, that you like, that you like. Enjoy.

So, yeah, I agree.

Tony:

You asked for final thoughts. Resting is not evil.

Becky:

Amen. Say it again.

Tony:

Resting ain't evil.

Zer:

Say it again.

Tony:

El descansar no es pecado.

Erick:

Okay.

Tony:

You can put subtitles on that.

Erick:

That's good.

Becky:

I love it.

Erick:

Rest is not something you have to earn. It's something that God gives you.

Tony:

That was. That one was better than mine. I like that.

Erick:

No, but I think they go hand in hand because we so often think.

Tony:

Like, you hyperventilated when he started saying that.

Becky:

Okay, sorry.

Erick:

Yeah, like, I operated from this place of, like, well, once I finish X Y and Z, then I can rest. And it's like, oh, God literally baked a rhythm of rest into creation before we did anything we don't have, before we produced anything. Yes.

Like the first day. Like, first basically full day that people were on the Earth. Rest because God rested. And it's like, it's not something you have to earn.

You don't have to put in your time, like, receive it.

Tony:

Receive it. There's humility in receiving it.

Erick:

Yes.

Becky:

Well, yes.

Zer:

You got a rich.

Becky:

I'm like, dang. I wasn't expecting to be personally attacked, but it's okay.

Tony:

It's what Eric does.

Erick:

I personally attack people all the time.

Zer:

That's why he hasn't been on the podcast yet.

Erick:

We've had to work soothing forgiveness.

Becky:

Forgiveness and betterness. All right, well, thank you guys so much. Thank you all for coming and for sharing your.

Tony:

It really is an honor to. Seriously, I. I appreciate the opportunity to come and talk with you guys. I'm thankful.

Becky:

Yeah, we like having you guys. Okay. And tell your spouse we said hi.

Tony:

I'm never leaving this with. Anyways. I'm never leaving this with.

Becky:

We love you guys. Peace out.

Zer:

Peace.

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About the Podcast

Fielder Church Podcast
Grow as a follower of Christ to exhale the Gospel wherever you go!
This podcast is produced by Fielder Church, a bilingual, multiethnic, multisite church in Arlington, TX. We are a church who inhale and exhale the gospel and makes disciples who do the same. The purpose of this podcast is simple, we wanted a place to tackle topics you don’t hear on Sunday, wrestle with practical application, and share with you deeper insight into the Sunday sermon - so you’re equipped to exhale the gospel wherever you go.